Anxiety & Trepidation – Yoga Midterm is here. Part 1

It’s strange – I felt more prepared for my mid-term a week ago then I am this particular Friday. The midterm entails actually teaching the yogasource flow sequence to my partner and being critiqued.  Sounds easy right? Here is the sequence – no notes allowed. Pretty complicated if you ask me...

Yoga Source Flow distorted on purpose - all rights copy righted by yoga source

I am going to meet my yoga partner at Martial Cottle Park. (btw great place to find some peace or host your wedding – my mind is spinning with ideas…)  https://www.sccgov.org/sites/parks/parkfinder/Pages/martialcottle.aspx

Ashley previously mentioned to me that she was going to create flashcards.  I also noticed that an instructor teaching this particular sequence on Wednesday had flashcards.   Taking a lesson from them I decided to do the same and turn away from the above complicated 11 x 17 sheet.  I was able to break it down into ten cards with minimal notes – highlighting key cueing.

So with slight trepidation I begin teaching to my partner, trying to only look at my flash cards when absolutely necessary.  As the music flowed, I watched my partner get into the rhythm of my voice and flow from pose to pose and my confidence started to grow. Of course I missed some cues and got slightly confused, but as all teachers probably do, you wing it until you get them back to where they need to be.  I mean honestly, I highly doubt that any student who is looking for a challenging work out will complain about adding in an additional vinyasa.  As I wrapped up my class going over my time by about 8 minutes, my confidence began to sour.  Ashley then took my body through her class. Not only was my confidence growing, my body was getting stronger, my poses more solid, my focus more present.  As we sat down exhausted at the picnic tables in the shade, slightly burned from the sun, we had huge smiles on our faces.

We sat there for another hour passing back and forth constructive criticism, sharing better ways to cue and really getting into it.  Before we knew it almost 4 hours had passed and man it was hot – 98 degrees or so!

I decided to break from yoga on that high note and hit the pool with my family for some R&R. I had one last chance tomorrow morning to perfect my teaching. 

#WTF did I get myself into #maybepeacful

Confessions of a bad mommy...

Has anyone besides me had a crazy past week?  End of school year mayhem? Getting bombarded at work? and for me, studying & practice teaching every moment I get.  I am literally cueing poses while I am driving, washing my hair, to my daughter (it's fun to cue her into savasana before bed - seriously this really works) With all that said I am going to share some bad mommy moments, some deliberate and some completely by accident.  

I almost made it the entire school year never being late taking Hailey to school nor have I ever missed picking her up from school.  Well...this week I failed.  Last Sunday night as I went to bed I decided to not set the alarm and have us sleep as late as we like and to hell with getting to school on time.  I mean Hailey is in kindergarten for gods sake and we already missed the boat on perfect attendance.  Who gets that award anyway?  I guess a child who never gets sick or takes a vacation... That's NOT this family.

Example 1 - Monday morning roughly about 45 minutes after the time I normally get Hailey up, she comes flying into our room "Mommy - it's Monday I have school!"  I rolled over in bed and said "love bug - today we are going to take our time getting to school, if we are late it's NOT the end of the world".  Hailey's face broke out into a grin and we had the most relaxed morning getting ready for our day. We were only 20 minutes late, what do they really learn in that first 20 minutes anyway?  As I signed her in at the office they asked for a reason and I rather nonchalantly just said - no reason.  The secretary just laughed - apparently we were not the only ones. As I don't intend to make a habit of this, taking the pressure off for a day was liberating - sometimes sleep really is the medicine we all need.  Bad mommy or possibly good mommy?

Example 2 was not done deliberately.  It's now Tuesday - off to school on time.  I am knee deep all morning studying my anatomy and practice teaching while juggling work calls & emails.  I see a call come through while I am on a conference call but didn't recognize the number.  Dumped it into voicemail.  (Yup later I realized it was Hailey's school *NOTE TO SELF: will be programming the school number into my phone - I mean parenting 101 right?) I see an email come in from the art director at school and realize I forgot to add the labels to the kids artwork for the art show.  It's now a tad past two.  School gets out at 2:45.  I fly downstairs, jump in the car and race to the school to get this task done and then I'll be early to get Hailey.  Thinking - look at me, I am SO ON IT!  As I walk up I see Hailey going into the office.  Somewhat bewildered I ask "Hailey why are YOU in the office?"  She turns to me and says "Mammmaaa it's Tuesssdayy - early out day and there was no robotics."  Still slightly confused, and I am a smart girl, then the light bulb goes off.  I completely forgot to pick Hailey up at 1:05!!!! At this point, what could I do but start laughing, then Hailey started laughing and we couldn't stop.  So again, second day in a row, I walk into the office laughing, oh sorry I was suppose to get my daughter about an hour ago!  I find the funniest part of this bad mommy story is that I was completely oblivious even as I walked up to the school.  I guess I was NOT so on it as I thought.  I wonder if the office staff thinks I am losing my mind? 

Post traumatic ice cream

I did end up taking Hailey for post traumatic ice cream, because you know giving your child ice cream when you F-up is certainly good parenting skills? NO?

So what did I take from this?  I am not perfect, no one is.  My new motto is, I may not be mommy of the year but I can be mommy of the moment.

#badmommy #forgivness #no one is perfect  

Day Three Glutes - The Big Debate

I am reading about glute free backbends via yoga journal (our homework) while I am simultaneously making egg muffins (see post on what I am eating during training). I couldn't be happier as I am laughing while I learn very insightful information.  The non-activation of my glutes has been one of the largest points of debate regarding protecting / curing my lower back pain.  This article was so insightful and I am definitely in the gripper camp. 

Gripper Camp: teachers who urge their students to contract their gluteals as hard as they can during backbends.  Love this, they say that the soft pedalers who believe their students should always keep muscles completely relaxed in backbends only refer to the small % of an elite minority of freakishly flexible people.  Shouldn't Joe Yogi have the right to tighten his buttocks if it gives him a fighting chance of extending his hips and saving his back? - hilarious! I will continue to tighten my buttocks!

Old school yoga - no glute engagement

As the Grippers and soft pedalers were about to come to blows over this issue the peacemakers stepped in. You can contract the gluteal muscles in backbends without allowing the thighs to fly outwards. They came up with a three part method which can be read in the below article.  Therefore giving Joe Yogi the benefits of these powerful muscles without the downside.

http://www.yogajournal.com/article/practice-section/the-max-factor/

#lovingyogatraining

NOTE* Any informational text is credited to yoga journal's article in link above.

Easy Breakfast Tricks on the GO.

Before I share any recipes let's begin talking about how I eat.  I would also like to address the fact that I am not a nutritionist, fitness expert or a chef.  All recipes are inspired by my family, Pinterest, or are direct recipes that I will share with you via weblink or reference cookbook.

To start, I believe in going down to meals made with a compilation of single ingredients and spices.  I do not define myself as following any label of eating, rather I READ the labels. What I do firmly believe in, is not cutting out any one single food group.  They all have their purpose and if it comes from the earth - eat it.  (ok as long as it is not poisonous, and I mean like you will die poisonous) Potatoes for example, just a plain old potato.  From the earth right?  If organic, nothing processed about it?  Good old clean eating - how can a potato be bad for you?  Now also know that I do not eat like this 24/7.  I am known to be at Main Street Burger stuffing my face with sweet potato fries covered in ketchup, gorging on a juicy junior burger wrapping it all up with a chocolate milk shake - yes I actually just admitted that.

I am not putting an eating agenda out here, I am simply sharing my joy in cooking and baking. If you want to label it - go for it.

With that said, what did I eat at 5:45 AM this morning on the go? Little Egg muffins - YUM!

I know there are many versions of this out there, and yet here is another one!

Ingredients: (I use organic whenever possible but won't continue to belabor you with the word organic repeatedly.

1. 6 cage free eggs
2. 1/2 chopped red bell pepper
3. 1/2 bag frozen chopped spinach (you can use fresh and cook it down, this was just super fast)
4. 1/2 chopped small onion (I didn't have one on hand but makes this even yummier)
5. 1 package bacon, cooked and crumpled into small pieces - I like Applegate
6. 2 table spoons milk
7. salt / pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 425.  Bake your bacon in the oven on a foil lined baking sheet.  I love this trick - literally no greasy mess!  I know not rocket science but now I make bacon every weekend.  I tend to bake for 8 minutes check then another 5 minutes - 12 minutes total. See photos below - amazing right?

While bacon bakes, cook the spinach in microwave per instructions.  Chop up your pepper and onion. Whisk your eggs with 2 table spoons milk (or butter if you prefer).  Whisk in pepper, onions, spinach and bacon.  Grease your muffin pan how you choise - I use coconut oil spray. Evenly pour into your pan.  Bake for 25 to 30 minutes at 375.  Eggs should be firm and rise.

Final touch - top with chopped avocado and hot sauce.  I am obsessed with Trader Joes hot sauce and it has very little sodium - crazy!   Made in advance only takes 5 minutes to heat, chop avocado and put on a plate and less time to eat. NOW THAT IS ON THE GO!

Here is what I am bringing as snacks to keep me energized

As these days are 10 hour long sessions intertwined with two yoga classes, I need snacks to keep me going and energized! Here is what I have packed in my bag.

Organic crunchy chickpeas - sold at all grocery stores, usually by the raisins.  Raw almonds, apple, the perfect bar, I waffle between almond and peanut butter - sold @ Wholefoods, in bulk at Costco or here at their website: http://perfectbar.com/

A girl's gotta have some dark chocolate with sea salts - Cost Plus World market, really wish they sold them by the bag, and my all time favorite homemade granola bars by my dear friend / nanny / personal assistant / house manager/ artist / healer/ massage therapist - I could go on, Candy Thayer - I love you dearly -YUM! Lots and lots of water.  Xoxo!

Day one - post training - I really want a glass of wine...

Let me just start by saying that I really want a glass of wine, but that would be counter intuitive (is that a malapropism?) as I have to get up at 6AM, be alert, energetic and ready to have my mind and body explode all over again.

Well you know how I said that all fear had melted away after my morning meditation?  It quickly came back. Yup it was BACK.  Linda, as a way to get everyone's worst fear over with, started the morning, requesting we go around introduce ourselves, explain any injuries, express our worst fear about training and then (drum roll) stand up and teach a pose - REALLY teach a pose?  My heart already started to race.  Luckily I knew I was roughly 1/3 of the way down the list from check in, assuming she was reading off the roster.  This allowed at least 10 people before me that I could pull from.  As my mind raced I thought about teaching standing crescent lunge and the modification I learned to support my lower back injury and I slowly worked it through my mind.  Illustration below:

Prior to my name being called a fellow student decided to teach Camel and Linda quickly mentioned, carefully, as we are not warmed up.  So I turned my mind to a much easier pose. Savasana (AKA corpse pose) - I figured I could also add in some humor with my poor pronunciation. Again - did I mention I really want a glass of wine?

Ok back to first day.  My name is called and my fear did start to disappear as I focused in on why I am here.  I introduced myself, listed my injuries and moved onto my fear.  I mentioned that I had two (I surprised myself here as it just came out ) one was with my injury my fear is that I may not be able to lead the active life I need to, to the live that I am accustomed to. (teared up a bit - shocker) then proceeded to say my second fear may create some humor for the class as I have terrible pronunciation and we could all have the opportunity to experience it - and people did laugh! clap for me! I then said I will lead us through Savasana - searching people's eye to see if I pronounced it correctly - and I did.  I feel that I did a nice job leading us through breathing and setting up savasana.  As an after thought and reflection, I regret doing it with them rather then being the authoritative person I think I am, standing up and guiding them only with my narrative and words - slash that - no regrets - next time - drop the ego right?

On a humorous note one student was going to teach an arm balance (hum over achiever) Linda nixed it and asked them to do something else.  There are students in there who already teach - BITCHES make us all look bad! No but seriously it is wonderful to have a diverse group of women and just one token man to go through this wonderful journey together. FYI - I befriended a wonderful woman (probably my age or close) who already teaches - aren't I smart?

Did I mention I REALLY want a glass of wine?

The class was substantially more relaxed getting that out of the way - sheers to Linda.  This girl is off to bed. Xoxo or should I say Namaste.

Day one jitters!

Fear - I didn't recognize what I was feeling leading up to this very first day until I was meditating and listening to soul of healing affirmations - #8 fear.   I thought I had jitters, was nervous, or scared of failing.  

“F stands for going beyond the limitations of fear.  Today I will let go of all fear.  I will realize that fear comes from my self-image and not myself.  My ego is an image that I have created.  By letting go of my ego I will embrace the truth inside me, which is fearless.  EGO, is just another word for edging God out. Whenever my ego over shadows my spirit it creates tightness in my body.  I will witness this sensation of fear by feeling it and then I will take the courageous step to do the very thing I fear.  I will not fight my ego, I will witness it.  This is the highest form of human intelligence.   To observe yourself without judgment.  Today I will observe my fear and my witnessing of it will transform it into love.” Deep Chopra the Soul of Healing affirmations

https://youtu.be/PwczTRcX_7c?list=PLfNr_M-mh6CjhJVVZs1UxeuUQV0R_9uOe

At this moment of quiet it me so hard I got the chills - it all has to do with your ego.  If you let your ego go, what do you have to fear? I am following this path to learn more about my body, muscles and soul to live a strong healthy life.  How can educating yourself & setting yourself up with the best tools be fearful?  It's not.  So as I start this day my mind turns away from ego and embraces what this first day will bring.

NOTE - special thanks to my dear friend Katt who turned me onto Deep Chopra the Soul of Healing affirmations, xoxo!

Hailey's first yoga class

When I saw that Yogasource had a kid's yoga at the same time they taught Yoga Flow I jumped at the opportunity to expose Hailey to her first yoga class.  She was so excited to go to yoga and see what mommy does.  Besides the fact that the class is less expensive then the cost of our nanny / hour I was truly excited to share this wonderful practice with my daughter.  I was hopeful that she would love it as much as me, but I knew there was a possibility this would be a one time thing.  As I met her after class she had a huge smile on her face and starting talking non-stop about what they did along side her new friend.

So now 3 classes in my little girl is able to do crow pose better then me (I personally hate crow pose - see illustration below)

As it gives me a full heart that Hailey is loving yoga as much as I do, I am also very excited about the benefits of yoga for a child.  Yoga provides two things children desperately need: physical fitness and emotional nourishment. It provides children with the skills to be calm, compassionate, strong and resilient.  And studies have shown that it provides a profound impact on education, violence prevention and improved public behavior.  I love that exposing her to a possible yoga practice at a young age will help create a strong sense of mindfulness in her future. Here is a great article about the benefits of kid's yoga.

http://bentonlearning.org/research/?gclid=CjwKEAjwsMu5BRD7t57R1P2HwBgSJABrtj-RFBr097XS9arPSRwzhK8Raw0XymkdQpHbaEtYVMux6RoC-Xzw_wcB

Bath time is particularly a crazy time in our household.  Pre-bath time usually results in either a disgruntled mother or daughter, followed by post bath a very crazy giggly child who is wild. I have noticed that on the days we have yoga, as Hailey is excited after class, she is much calmer and bath time runs much smoother - we will see if this remains true...

#hopeful

A little light reading

Finally - our manuals are ready and "The Key Muscles of Yoga Vol. 1" by Ray Long has arrived via amazon. I must say this is all a bit overwhelming.  For anyone who knows me, they know that my pronunciation and use of the English language is terrible.  So terrible, that without my knowing, I am typically at the heart of a party surrounding by laughter.  Here I thought it was my witty intellect...

A dear friend of mine, Jennifer coined my disability (with much love) as Malapropism. Hopefully she will add a comment of an example of one of my many Malapropisms for you all to enjoy. 

noun: malapropism

1. the mistaken use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, often with unintentionally amusing effect

How in the world do you pronounce Virabhrasana II? Can't we simply say warrior 2??

Orientation

We all sat there in awkward anticipation as we waited for Linda to arrive.  As she walked up the hallway I am positive we all felt the same way, intimidation, fear, and mostly excitement for what our journey would bring.  She was like a tall gazelle full of calm poise and beauty. She ended up being rather funny, although we were all probably too intimated to laugh and get her jokes.  Of course me being who I am, I had many questions: I have a back injury, can I still be go through the training? I haven’t been practicing yoga as frequently as I use to…do students start teaching after only 100 hours…does anyone not pass?  Yup that was me, not the best first impression I am sure.  This 41-year-old felt like I was in high school again.

Yet when all was said and done – I went home and immediately asked my husband as my mother’s day gift I would like to start my 200-hour yoga training.  Being the supportive husband he is – he said “of course”.  So here I am all signed up and eagerly awaiting the manuals to come out.  NOTE* new husband, college-hood sweetheart that fell back into my life post divorce - will share story in another post.

Speaking of said manual, Linda mentioned they would be ready next week.  So being me, I cruise into the studio and ask the very young girls at the front desk if I could pick up my manual for the 100-hour yoga training.  They both looked at me like I had 2 heads. Was I crazy or were these girls ignorant?  I tried to explain again that Linda said they would be ready this week.  Girl #1 was now trying on clothes and not even remotely paying attention to my question while giving me dirty looks. Most likely thinking when will this old lady go away.   Girl #2 looked at me like I had 3 heads…then proceeded to say "Why don’t we just ask Linda when she gets here since she is teaching your class."  Well, that 20 something year old just put me in my place.

#being40 - And here we go…

Yoga Girl - where, about and why follow my journey

I started practicing yoga a bit over 9 years ago.  I say practice rather than "working out" b/c that is really what it is.  It's a way of life, it's a choice, a lifestyle some would say. Whether you are the spiritual hippie, Silicon Valley working power house, stay at home mom or a combination, you don't realize it until you start & the transition slowly takes place.

For me, personally, it came at a time when there was a void in my life.  Not being the most religious person and a big fat divorce looming over my head, I fell into my practice like a religion.  I started later in life, I was 33 living in San Francisco, youngest VP @ a prestigious design firm and my personal life was falling apart.  So what does a girl do with everything at her finger tips except the love of her husband?  YOGA

My very first yoga class I will never ever forget - taught by Andrea Maltzer @ Yoga Tree Castro - said husband dropped me off - I walked out 90 minutes later dripping in sweat (with all my Pilates, running & personal trainers I have NEVER sweat that much) and literally already felt the change start.  The chanting ohmmming was foreign to me combined with the rigorous balance poses and bending / twisting of my body I never felt possible.  Oh did I mention I went ahead and jumped into advanced level 3 Vinyasa - no? well I did.  The sun was shining on me as I walked out and subconsciously I knew my life was changing. 

Andrea Maltzer was my favorite as she taught a dancing flow style of yoga with the best music - full mind body soul yoga.  I found out that she taught at International Orange which had 6:15pm classes.  I recruited my coworker and best friends to commit 2x/ week and so my yoga journey began.  Healing my torn heart and filling it with strength & laughter.  Creating some of the best times I have ever had in San Francisco with my best girlfriends.  I'll share some of those hilarious stories through out my blog posts.

I have fallen in and out of my practice over the past 3 years enticed by the latest fads and heavy weight lifting (highly do not recommend) to end up with a back injury that took a year of my life & health.  Through a year of being in intense pain I had the time to reflect on what I would do if I were to be healthy and strong?  I envisioned picking my daughter up again, spinning her around until she laughed herself into tears, racing her up the stairs or us running her first 10k, side by side.  I spent a lot of time in bed going from angry to sad as all the drugs and cortisone worked through my system only to be discouraged and the side effects were possibly worse than the injury.  I was not a pleasant person to be around.  Luckily I had a wonderful husband who gave me the leeway I needed (or perhaps he was scared of me…LOL) and an amazing group of girlfriends who listened to me bitch endlessly through it all.  To all of them I say thank you – I love you.

So where do I find myself now, back at yoga where my injury is nurtured and I find myself getting stronger every day for myself, my daughter and my family.

I want to share my yoga journey as I start my first 200-hour certification.  Follow me through my journey which is over a 5000-year-old practice. Learn more about me and why I started this journey and follow me on Facebook and Instagram (coming soon).  I promise to post 2x Dailey during my training and btw. My 100 & 200 hours give you a further history of my personal life journey, trials and errors of working in Silicon Valley, rocking the San Francisco life, post-divorce life and how I found peace.  Namaste - xoxo!